When I lived in China, I came across the notion that it is easy for a foreign man to find a girlfriend, or simply a bit on the side. From this notion, there sprang up so many questions, and one of them I have been asked and seen on forums is, are (Asian country) women easy? It is an insulting, dehumanizing question.
For some background on where I am coming from with this topic, I have lived in China and I am currently residing in Taipei and I have dated both China and Taiwanese women. My experiences have been in line with my thoughts on the issue of “are Asian women easy”, those thoughts being, no. It always depends on who you date and why you date them and what expectations you go into a relationship with. Different strokes for different folks.
The most memorable time I have of someone asking me this question was in Beijing. I was doing some weekly shopping with a newbie to China. I wanted to show him around and help him buy the essentials you want for when you arrive in a foreign country: toilet paper, bed sheets, snacks and some shower gel and shampoo. He was more interested in condoms.
Now, I wouldn’t judge the guy. You are an idiot if you don’t think about protection in the bedroom. I told him that the Durex is a safe bet. He laughed a bit and said, “I gotta ask, are Chinese women easy?”.
He stumped me right there. Mind you, this was in early 2013, and even today I still feel a sense of cringe when he asked me that.
I looked at him and said the following: “If you want an easy woman, you will find an easy woman.”
Being “easy” is not a characteristic you can put on an entire continent of women. A lot of the notions that Asian women are easy can perhaps fall into two concepts.
- In the West, Asia women are ultra-feminine. From pop culture, literary works and cinema, the image of Asian women is submissive, ultra-feminine and in need of some “real men”. An example of this can be seen from the 1957 classic, Sayonara, featuring Marlon Brando as Ace and Miiko Taka as an entertainer. The had portrayed Asian women as easy, submissive and being basically, “China Dolls”. Today the image of Asian women hasn’t gotten better. Along with being seen as objects of sexual desire, Asian women can often be infantilizied, meaning, Asian women are belittled to be cute and helpless, child-like. The mixture of China Doll, infantilization and the over all exoticism of Asian women has had a long history in the West and continues to exist today as stereotypes. There has been a lot of research into the area that backs these claims up, but how influential these stereotypes are is up for debate, but I think from my own experience, it is obvious that a certain group of Westerners in Asia do assume Asian women are easier and have a sense of superiority of themselves over local men. But there is a flip side to this:
- In Asia, Westerners are held in high standard. Westerners are desirable and are quite often exoticized by Asians too. Westerners in a sense are also infantilizied by locals in Asia and even being able to make simple small talk in local languages earns you the respect of people. Honestly, being able to say “Good morning, bad weather today right?” will have people bursting out to say “oh wow, you (Asian language) is so good!”. I can’t tell you how many times I heard this when I lived in China. Serpentza – Winston, the original China Vlogger – had gotten crucified by Chinese internet users who were against his explanation that Chinese girls are easy because as a white Western man, you are desirable because you are exotic and you are stereotyped as having wealth. It is true. I have no doubt about that. In China there are stereotypes of foreigners that have been the result of pop culture holding westerners in high regards for decades. I would disagree with Winston on many points, but his main point that there is certainly a factor of Chinese people viewing white Westerners in high regards that has lead to a belief that Chinese girls are easy, though I don’t agree with the statement that Chinese or any Asian girls are easy in any general sense.
So there you have it, Asian women are desirable in Western culture for the wrong reasons, and Western men are desirable in Asia for the wrong reasons.
However, I would say that even that statement is still an unacceptable generalization. Not all Westerners are yellow fever induced sexpats, and most definitely not all Asian women are infatuated with someone whose only achievement in life is being born white.
I think that what some Western men view as “Asian” is nothing other than a fantasy. Imagine going from your own country where you might not be a hit with the ladies and all of a sudden being popular, whilst also holding the concepts of “China Doll”, “Infantilization” and “submissiveness” towards Asian women, it is a recipe for ignorance.
The best way to explain this is through the story of M. Butterfly, a play written by David Henry Hwang. I wrote about this in one of my other blogs on a study of Orientalism in cinema, and you should read it if you find what I am writing about interesting. Here is an extract from that blog.
“In M. Butterfly, the French protagonist ‘Gallimard’ is enchanted into a state of fantasy of the East. This fantasy is ultimately his prison of cultural ‘conventions’ and ‘stereotypes’ (Kondo, 1990). He is a victim of his own perception as he denies reality in way of imprisoning himself in a state of ignorance to allow for his fantasy to come to fruition.”
Gallimard imprisons himself by falling in love with a Chinese opera singer, who is a man dressed as a woman. Gaillimard falls in love with woman on stage, but not the man behind the woman. By the end of the play, Gaillimard is presented with the opera singer for who he truly is, and Gaillimard is disgusted because his fantasy is gone, and the identity he forced upon the opera singer to sustain his fantasy is gone. Gaillimard dehumanizes the opera singer and others him.
This to me is what is at play with some Westerners who pop the question of whether or not Asian girls are easy. They are in a fantasy that is induced from them being desirable, whilst also viewing this as validation for their view of Asian girls as being the stereotypes in their heads.
So, to finish, are Asian girls easy? No. Some can be, and if that is what you want, go for it. But don’t expect all women in Asia to be that way. You can find easy women anywhere, and if that is what you like, it is what you will get. There are women here that want to take things easy and see where relationships go, there are women who want to discuss marriage as soon as possible and there are women who are frigid, while others are horny and of course most women are somewhere in between those two.
You can’t break down men and women to basic stereotypes. Even if it helps you navigate a new culture and environment, it is dehumanizing and down right idiotic.
So, if you are wondering if Asian girls are easy, you should as yourself, I am too easy. That is what my girlfriend told me when I asked her what she thought about the topic. I wanted to make sure she got the last word on this blog post.