#1 Nihao’s It Going-isms

I decided to compile a list of things that I’ve either said on Nihao’s It Going? or with friends. Usually, I post these on the Facebook page as statuses and people generally like them. I decided to pull them all together and add new ones here. If y’all enjoy these little Going-isms, I’ll post some more.


“Hot pot is just a way for restaurants to make you pay to cook your own food.”


“I always wonder if my friends back in Ireland think I have an Asian fetish and that’s why I came to Taiwan. Funny thing is my type of woman is anyone that’ll have me.”


“I always feel like I disappoint Taiwanese people when they find out I’m not an American.”


“Not annoys Taiwanese friends more than calling them 中華臺北人.”


“I don’t think anyone born in the 90s that calls themselves a 中華臺北人 is going to be interesting. Unless they’re athletes, in which case they’re no choice.”


“Despite what a lot of people in Europe think, wearing masks give you the magic ability to tell people to leave you alone in a socially acceptable way. “Talk to me, and you might get sick.”


“Imagine being a kid and imagining yourself as a gangster with an amazing life with cars, money, and women. Then you realize you’re just going to be on live Facebook streams trying to sell shit while eating dinner and having random people walk by.”


“The best way to find a good apartment in Taipei is to wait for your friends to move abroad and take theirs. No joke. That’s how it works.”


“I get homesick for Taipei whenever I travel abroad.”


“The quickest way to lose your ESL teacher friends is to call their profession and work “expensive babysitters.” If they laugh, they’re real friends.”


“Being a foreigner in Taiwan is like being a noble foreigner. You’re an susceptible to alcohol and whoring around but you’re at least creative.”


“I sometimes pretend I can’t speak Mandarin so I can avoid being complimented. ”


“My pass is Freddy Lim.”


“It’s funny how New Taipei is called “New” despite everyone living there being old.”


“The best way to gauge if a foreigner is weird is if they support the KMT. This is generally a good indicator that they’re crazy.”


“Make Danbing, not war.”


“My phone kept auto-correcting danbing to “dabbing.” But I corrected it, sir.”


“Drinking in the expat scene in Taipei is either being stuck in a bar with old men talking about their fetishes or being stuck with people my age that don’t plan to be in Taipei long.”


“The Revolver Bar in Taipei should be called the “Outside Inn” because everyone is outside.”


“Avoid any blog that recommends visiting Taipei 101.”


“Taipei 101 is the city’s “China Town.”


“I find it funny that the most people that tell me to go back to where I belong in Taipei have all almost been other foreigners. Now that’s true internationalization.”


“Nothing like seeing a recycling collector in Zhongxiao Fuxing in Taipei collecting plastic in a full Nazi Wehrmacht uniform.”


“Some young Taiwanese would rather be a colony of Japan again than be part of China. I bet that really pisses of the KMT gang despite them doing nearly nothing to stop Japan in WWII.”


“I don’t think Taiwan should ever legalize marijuana because god knows the type of people who’d come here for it. Probably just more stoned English teachers. So I guess it would be there same.”


“Instead of focusing on undocumented workers maybe the MOL should get off their asses and remove the brokerage system. It is why so many people are undocumented. Of course it’s easier to just blame foreigners.”


“I mostly wear my 口罩 because I think that’s what’s expected of me by Taiwanese.”


“I wonder if a foreigner has ever said happy 228?”


“Banks in Taiwan are as functional as the traffic police.”


“Green traffic light = GO!”

“Yellow traffic light = GO!”

“Red traffic light = “BEEP THE HORN AND GO!”


Taiwan is a place where you can eat a Burger King in a McDonald’s and nobody will care or ask you to leave.


外國人 = White person

黑人 = Black person

英文老師 = Expensive babysitter


Everyone in Taipei think they’re better and more Taiwanese than everyone else in Taiwan, and everyone else in Taiwan think they’re the real Taiwan. Only aborigines can say they’re real Taiwan.


 

Nihao's It Going?

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